i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You made out with two different species that night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
