another moral hangover. fuck.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
