The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
