i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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