i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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