She announced her abortion via fbk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
