I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Banned from zoo.
Again?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
