did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
