Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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