I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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