went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
