Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
