ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
