so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
