The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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