i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
