What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
