Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
