I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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