she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
