I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
