Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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