I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
