Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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