By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I deserve this hangover.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
