that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
