Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
