There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
