"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
