My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
