And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everclear isn't food dammit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
