last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
