Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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