Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
