Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What a dumb baby whore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
