She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
