I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
