oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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