But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
