how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
