no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You were trust falling into bushes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
