He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
