The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
