oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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