I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
