I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
