Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there's paper in my vomit.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
