his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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