He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
