I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
